What just happened? What is this feeling? How can I describe it?
It was unplanned, unheard of, unspoken, and unseen.
We did not even think that we would even get to this point. How did this even happen?
I remember. It was when we were chosen as partners during the summer before our freshman year in college. We were quiet and did not have much to say to each other. All I remember is that
The feelings were already there, but I just never thought about them. They have been there since December, and I felt them go away as I progressed into 2016. Maybe because I began to distance myself. I just never dwelt on them. Maybe because he was a different religion than I was, so I automatically thought that he would not agree to it.
But here we are.
I had just come from shadowing a doctor (which was an ah-mazing experience, might I add), and he had just come from his room where he was… I actually don’t remember what he was doing. All I remember is that I had just gotten home at about 5:15pm, and we decided to keep talking about the day before (another blog about what that was all about). Basically, guys thought that I was unapproachable, or that I was already in a “relationship”. But what relationship?
So I was talking to him about that, then the conversation progressed into what others have been saying. Then it kept progressing into who I liked and who he liked. Then, we went into who we liked in our immediate friend group, and then it just… happened.
Usually, I am really good at telling whether a guy likes me or not. And usually, guys do not approach me about it. Probably because of the fact that they thought I was taken…
But this time around, it actually snuck up on me. I was not expecting the conversation to take such a sharp detour. In fact, I was very adamant about leaving the conversation where it was and not sharing my feelings. This may have been the first time that I actually told a guy that I had liked him.
Once it left my mouth, there was no way of taking them back, and I was scared. I had never in my life told a guy that I liked him, but for some reason, I got the feeling that he may have liked me back, and that thought terrified me.
So, of course, my worst nightmare came to life and he said that he had liked me too, right around the time that I started liking him (while I’m writing this, my hands began to shake because I am still not used to this feeling, nor do I think that I ever will be). He said that these feelings started when I began to come around more often, and that was actually around the time that I started liking him too.
After it was in the air, I just did not know how to proceed. There was a silence for a while, and then we were just laughing at each other, wondering why we didn’t say anything to each other earlier. Then more silence… I knew what the silence meant even though we weren’t speaking.
Was it too late?
I tried to ask the question, but the words just wouldn’t leave my lips. I guess he knew that I was struggling, because he went ahead and asked it, and I answered that I didn’t think so. I asked him if he thought so, and he shook his head no.
More silence. Now what?
After this, things were just a little weird, a little awkward, but at the same time a little comforting to know that we were both in the same boat. We were both learning. And this kind of sucked because he had a 1-question, 2:30-hour prelim that began in 45 minutes (weird right?). So he started to study, and I said that I would join him, just to see what he was learning. So he knelt down by his bed, and I was sitting in a chair next to him. He was teaching me the stuff, and during that time, I just could not even concentrate on what he was saying. I was just still processing in my brain what happened, how it happened, why it happened…
When he left for his prelim, he gave me a hug, and it felt weird at first, but as the hug went on, I felt more comfortable and relaxed, though I kept repeating “This is weird, this is weird”. I told him that it would need some getting used to… actually the entire situation would need some getting used to.
So yea, this is pretty crazy.
I still can’t believe this, and I am wondering to myself, “What happened to all the guys that I had crushes on? Were they just distractions?”
Do we now to have to spend more time together?
What will our friends say? I mean yea, it’s our relationship, but they live on the same floor as us. What will happen when they know?
Spring break is next week, and he actually leaves tomorrow! What now?? :I
I am still in shock, and this happened about an hour ago. But it happened so suddenly and I was not ready. Maybe it won’t hit me until tomorrow when I wake up, and I realize that I am actually in a relationship. Maybe it won’t hit until I see him again, and I realize that our friendship has just changed.
It’s weird, because throughout my time of writing this post, I have been staring at his door as if he is in there or something.
The real question is… am I ready?
I have always heard that the best relationships are the ones that are unplanned.
I have also heard that the best relationships started as friendships.
Hopefully this means that we will have the most amazing relationship ever.