A friend of mine just told me that he and his girlfriend had just broken up. Of course, I was super sad about this because they had only gone out for about two months. I asked why, and he said that he was super pissed because she never spent enough time with him and invested much in the relationship. I was super confused because he had told me that she broke up with him. So I’m wondering, “Did he want the relationship to end too?” “Who’s at fault here?”
So here I am in the library trying to do my assignment for a class that I am pretty sure I am going to end up dropping (though I really do not want to because I really need the credits, the grade, and the fulfillment of finishing this course). He texted me his conversation between him and his (ex)girlfriend. I thought it was going to be a back-and-forth conversation. Instead, it was all him telling her that she never invested enough into the relationship and how she does not know how to make time for people and how she was incapable of showing any emotion to people.
And honestly, his words scared me alot, because after reading their conversation (more like his rant), I couldn’t help but realize that…
He was basically describing me.
It was something that I had given a good amount of thought to. Now that I am in a relationship, I always question if I am giving enough effort into the relationship. I have found that I am always busy to the point that I only see him about once a day for about an hour. Hell, I rarely even have time for myself. I had already told my partner that I was having a hard time showing emotions to him since I had never done it before. It was something I didn’t think would be so hard. I thought it would just come naturally once you were in a relationship. Boy, was I wrong. You have to work towards that point.
But anyways, back to my friend’s situation…
He told me how she never seemed to set aside any time for him and how she never initiated any plans or dates. I tried to defend her by saying that she was probably super busy (she was a math major and full-on varsity athlete. That’s one hectic schedule). I stressed to him that he needed to be patient with her, and I constantly told him that he needed to talk to her. He just didn’t seem like he wanted to talk about it at all. In fact, it was very one-sided. Alot of what he said about her was his own opinions about her. He called her “socially inept” and “too cold and calculating for his taste” and “too logical”.
I really wish he would stop trying to control things. He wants things to go the way he wants, and if they don’t, he automatically believes that it’s the other person’s fault. He controls everything, and it bothers me alot.
I really want him to give her a chance because she is such a sweet girl, and I know exactly what she is going through, but I don’t think he understands at all. I don’t believe he knows how to understand her.
Which is why I stressed for him to talk to her.
He has also said that she says that she doesn’t know how to keep long-term relationships or invest time in people. I am still a little shaken by this because.. she is literally me.
I was almost begging with him to talk to her and be patient, but there was no way of convincing him. Instead, he told me that he would not talk to her unless she was going to take her back.
And here we are back to the controlling motif.
I want him to understand, because I know exactly how she feels and I wish someone would be patient with me while I tried to navigate a relationship with someone.
Unfortunately, he is not willing to do this.