Under the Stars

Last Friday night was the first time that my partner and I went out on an actual date.

Wow, it still feels weird saying it.

We went to something called The Observatory where we were able to watch the stars under a clear blue sky and a slightly chilly night. We looked at the moon and the constellation of stars. We looked through a huge telescope that was pointed at Jupiter. It was pretty cool and relaxed.

For the most part, we just talked. We talked about how our relationship had developed during the months before we actually went out. We also talked about how he went about asking me out. It was a very interesting and eye-opening conversation.

We talked about Valentine’s Day and how I had written him a card. He said that his feelings for me had come and gone, but they came back around that time. I guess that was around the same time for me too.

That was when I also talked to him about how hard it was to talk about my emotions for him. I have never had to do that for a guy before. In fact, I try to avoid the conversation altogether by not getting intimate with a guy. That was when  realized that this may have been the reason as to why I avoided eye contact with guys for so long. In fact, I still do it.

It’s a hard habit to break.

So I am still in that phase of the relationship: sharing feelings. I don’t know how I feel about this, because I hate feeling vulnerable to anyone.

We got back to our residence hall, and we just hung out for a while. Then, he told met that I didn’t initiate as much as he did. In fact, I never did. I didn’t realize it until he said it. So I decided that I would make an effort to do so.

I think that is the hardest part for me: initiating. I never knew how. I just let the guy lead, and I thought that was how things were. Nope.

You learn something new each day.

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