1st Weekend of SMDEP (06/10)

(Sorry of the grammar for this entry is wonky. I was watching Batman Begins and wasn’t really paying special attention to what I was writing. Hopefully I made some sort of sense and you got the gist of everything I had wanted to say)

So I never really talked about SMDEP (now SHPEP) in my blogs, and it actually had a huge impact on the reasons for why I am on the pre-med track

So here was the first weekend.

June 10th, 2016

For the first weekend that I was there, it actually didn’t start very well. I woke up to news that Christina Grimmie had died. Christina Grimmie, a huge person who I had loved, had been shot at her concert in Orlando by some crazed fan. Her brother, after realizing that the guy had shot, tackled the guy to the ground. I imagined the emotions that were running through him at that time. He just lost his sister with one shot, and he witnessed it. Of course he would tackle the guy to the ground. Hell, he would have killed the guy right then and there. What a crazy time for the family, and for the world in general.

She had such a huge impact on people. She was the reason why my sister got into piano, and that’s big because my sister was obsessed with piano for the longest time. I wondered where the sudden passion came from, but it all made sense now. And now, she’s crazy good at it. All because of Christina.

It’s crazy because Christina was a person who my middle sister had been super obsessed with. She had an amazing voice with killer piano skills. She was even on the Voice and was ridiculously amazing. She made it to the final round and won 2nd place in the entire competition. But Adam Levine completely loved her. I thought he would marry her if he wasn’t already involved with that Victoria’s Secret model. But he did decide to pay for all the funeral charges and helped out with the family as much as he could. I told both my sisters and they were pretty sad about it. I told my mom about it and she was a little indifferent about it. Obviously, she was sad that she had died, but she had no idea who she was. That’s when I realized just how much social media affected my generation.

Life just wasn’t fair. She was becoming huge in music. She had worked so hard putting out Youtube videos and getting her name out there. And finally while having a gig in Orlando, she was signing autographs. She was becoming famous, and then this happened. She was beautiful. She had an amazing voice. She loved God. And she was only 22… That’s just crazy how life happens.

She didn’t deserve it. She was on her way up to fame, and it was crazy how she stayed so true to herself the entire way.

Well after that incident, the weekend got a little better. Things started to lighten up a bit. There were still alot of fun adventures to come.

During the first weekend that I was there, we all took a whole bunch of cars and went to this creek where they had a swing rope and a cliff that people could jump off of. I was a little nervous because… well.. I don’t have the prettiest legs  (I have these 2 scars on my knees due to childhood. I’m not taking back my childhood, but I just wish I was less of a tomboy), so I thought I would be judged by them. It turns out that people do not judge you as much as you think. We walked through the creek, and I felt like I would slip on the rocks. They all were covered with algae and mold maybe? It felt weird and I hoped that I would not get any foot disease or anything. As we kept walking, we finally found the big cliff, and there were already a good amount of people there from around town. It seemed like a very common hangout spot, and it was pretty cool. We quickly took off our clothes and kept our bathing suits on.

The rocks kind of hurt my feet, so I balanced myself on the large rocks. I sat on them to release some of the pressure on my feet. It felt so relaxing to be sitting in the water listening to the children who were in the water and watching people jump off the cliffs and all of that. I eventually mustered up enough courage to try the swing rope. When I was finally up there with the rope in hand and I looked at how high I was above the water, that’s when I thought about it again and I really asked myself, “Are you sure? Do you really wanna do this?” Kids were behind me waiting for their turns, and they looked kind of impatient at the fact that I was standing there for so long, so I needed to make a decision quick. I decided to just go for it. I believe my last thought that really made me do it was, “When will I get this chance again? You mind as well try it once.” I also thought that kids were able to do this, so why couldn’t I?

I did it, and boy, that thing was actually hard to do. The hardest part was keeping myself up. I needed to work on my upper body strength…

While going through the air, I felt my knees skid across the water as I tried to keep myself up. It was pretty tough, but I tried it again, and this time I kept myself up a little more. It worked for a little, but when I landed in the water, my butt hit the water first and kind of left it sore.

But it was worth it.

Obviously the kids were much better at it than I was, but I thought that they had it easier because they didn’t weight as much. It was okay though, because that summer I went to the gym every single day (they had a crazy nice gym facility since sports is huge for them, and it was right across the street from where I stayed for the summer. It was the biggest gym I had ever been to, and it was the nicest. Everything was new. And it was 3 stories. How crazy). Just they wait… my upper body strength would be amazing by the end of the summer.

After swimming, we went to Olive Garden to eat. It was okay for a little bit. I mean helloo…. Olive Garden was (still is) my favorite restaurant. The food was nice, and everyone sitting around me was cool… to some extent. But it was annoying to see that part of the table (and we had a pretty long table) seemed to want to be more mannered and more… boujie than the other side. The other side was more talkative and laughed much louder than the other. The side that I was on just kept doing side looks to the other side and kept quiet. I hated it. But it’s my favorite restaurant.

When it was time to leave, there was a bit of a mix up with the receipts and stuff like that. In the end, about 2 people had their orders paid for and another 2 people got free desserts. Olive Garden lost alot in profit that day…

Afterwards, we decided to go to the big Illinois bridge (idk what the actual name of the bridge is called, but it lies between Illinois and Indiana). It was funny, because we decided to go at night, which we wondered why we wanted to go so late.

We still went, because we thought that since we would start getting super busy after this week, then we should go now.

So we went.

And let me just say… it was so beautiful. The bridge lights up at night and they have rainbow lights on it. There were violinist on the sides of the bridge asking for money. There was a girl who was singing, and her voice was amazing. And she seemed only 13 years old max, but her voice was like a 30-year-old. Her mom was on the side supporting her along with her younger brother. There was a little boy breakdancing on the ground. He seemed to have maybe a huge tumor growing around his mouth. His face seemed double the size as it should be. Maybe he was raising money for the surgery…Some of us gave money but I didn’t have any cash on me.

We walked all the way to the Indiana side, and we asked someone to take our picture. It was really nice.

I felt kind of bad because I felt a divide between our group, kinda the same divide I felt back in Olive Garden. A group of us were walking a little more ahead than the group behind. I wasn’t sure what had happened, because I felt like we had not known each other enough to have any sort of beef between each other. I had told my friend (his name begins with a C last name W, so I’ll call him CW) about the divide that I was feeling, and he noticed it and thought it was really weird to have some kind of beef like that between each other. We were all trying to be Doctors and Dentists, so why couldn’t we just come together?

The bridge was still pretty awesome, and I had never experienced anything like it. I was happy to have gone with people who I think would become some of my best friends.

But anyways, after having gone through the program, those people actually ended up being my closest friends, so maybe it was just an initial feeling, or maybe it was their initial reaction.



Robots… egh. I prefer people.

So at the beginning of the semester, I was enrolled in a robot ethics class. It was okay. The professor was nice, and the information was interesting. I really thought that I would pursue the Information Science minor. It sounded cool. I liked the idea of creating new technology and being able to design new things.

That’s what I’ve always been drawn to. Creating. Designing. Inventing. Investigating. All good things.

And then I realized… I don’t like working with just metal. I like working with things that have feeling, that have life in them.

I noticed this during the 3rd week of class when we were watching a Youtube video about a robot that this elderly lady was obsessed with. It was the idea that her feedback made the robot more interactive with the lady, and as a result, she became more attached. After time went by, the lady brought he robot with her everywhere annoying many of the people she lived with. They asked her to put the robot away in her room and she looked like they had asked her to stop living. It was scary, and I couldn’t understand it.

Watching the video, I was a little creeped out, and I couldn’t wrap my head around how a person could prefer robot interaction over human interaction. There was another video of someone making a robot exactly in a person’s image, and this robot was presented to the daughter of the person. She obviously was creeped out and wanted it to end. I was creeped out for the girl. I felt a little antsy just watching it. I cringed multiple times and couldn’t imagine making such a device.

It was at that moment that I wasn’t really into all the technology. I didn’t like the idea of robots taking over the world. There are obviously many things that robots can do that people cannot, but I would rather work on finding a way to work on human interactions rather than fix it with metal.

Another thing was that the class was all about philosophy, which was pretty annoying. He made us question everything. He put a command on the board and asked the other side of the class to find out everything that was wrong with the command and try doing everything but the command while still not violating what the command was asking. It’s kinda crazy how much was wrong with the command.

Oh, not to mention that most of the class were engineering majors, so for many of them, this was alot of fun. They found it easy to find something wrong with the command, and my team had to keep modifying the command to be more and more specific so that they could not possibly find anything wrong with it. For me, I was just thinking, “… guys, just do the damn command. If we say write, just write.” But yea, the majority of the class found it super fun.

So philosophy definitely was not my thing. We had to turn in a paper about utilitarianism, which was kind of interesting, but I had the hardest time writing the paper. I didn’t even finish it or submit it. I only had 2 of the 5 pages that I needed to write. The class just wasn’t for me.

I think the only thing that kept me in the class for as long as I was was the fact that he had these 2 more-adorable-than-life white fluffy puppies that he brought to class and passed around. They were so cute in that when you picked them up to hand them off, they would press against you and lift their arms up as if getting ready to be picked it. They were soooo cute!

But then I realized that the dogs weren’t going to help my grade in that class, so I dropped it.

Plus, I am already taking a whole bunch of classes required for my major this year, and knowing that this class was not as important as my other classes, I knew that I would fall behind in the assignments for the class (Just look at what happened last semester with that opera class… I’m still salty -.-).

Why did Harry’s death in Spiderman 3 hurt so much?

Harry’s death in Spiderman has actually shaken me up a little more than I wanted it to. First off, they (Harry and Peter/Spiderman) were best friends. Secondly, they got into a huge fight before he died and he still came back and helped him defeat the sand man and that black, gooey figure. And thirdly… he was so cute ;(

It’s always the cute ones who have to go.

I believe it was just thinking about how much heartbreak and confusion he experienced throughout the 3 Spiderman movies that made me really sad when he died:

  1. He felt like he needed to gain acceptance and praise from his father
  2. He lived to please his father, and it was so sad every time that his father would insult him or tell him that he was less than who he really was
  3. He saw that his girlfriend (Mary Jane), the only girl who he really loved throughout the movies,  was in love with Peter the entire time. Even though he was actually a pretty nice guy, she just was not into him. How heartbreaking!
  4. He thought that Spiderman killed his father, and he lived to get revenge. He even became the Goblin by following in his father’s footsteps.
  5. It’s sad because all he ever did was want revenge on his father’s killer, which is understandable. I mean, Peter Parker was the same by killing the thief who killed (or so he thought) his uncle.
  6. He was so emotional throughout all the movies. I feel like he wanted to be strong and brave because that’s what his father wanted from him, but he had such a heart… He always had tears in his eyes.
  7. He finally saw some success in his life when he took over his father’s company and was CEO for a hot second (at the beginning of the 2nd movie), and then it turns out that the guy who he signed a contract with wanted too much power.
  8. When he found out that his best friend was Spiderman, it was like the world stopped for him. His worst enemy turned out to the closest person to him. How crazy, and honestly that’s really sad :/ (Imagine that your best friend was actually the one who killed your mother. I can barely even fathom that)
  9. He went through an accident where he lost his memory, and everything was new to him. He was happiest during that time because he forgot everything about Spiderman and his father dying.
  10. MJ (Mary Jane) came back to him during this time, and it was like their love had rekindled. They even kissed, and then she said that it was a mistake. Ugh, how tragic!
  11. When he and Peter got into that huge fight in the 3rd movie, he got half of his face burned, and now half of his face is disfigured. Now, coming from a person who has 2 scars on their knees and am super self-conscious about them, I could only imagine how he felt his image was changed. This scar was on his face, and it wasn’t some small scar. It took up half of his face. Oh, that beautiful face…
  12. Even after the fight, he came back to help his best friend (well, after a little help from his butler who told him that his dad had actually died by his own hands). Then they had this epic battle with the sand guy and the black, gooey thing.
  13. He sacrificed his life for Peter (I was in tears). He stood in front of blades that were going to kill him. What a friend! My face was in shock.
  14. In his last moments, MJ was standing next to him, but it must’ve hurt to have someone who you love kneeling right next to you in your dying moments, but knowing that she is completely in love with the person who you just sacrificed your life for. What a crazy love triangle!

Anyways, those are my 2 (more like 14) cents on the life of Harry, Peter Parker’s best friend.

Can I have a Room Please?

It’s been pretty annoying trying to accommodate to someone who doesn’t want you in the room, especially if you feel like you’ve done all that you can to make the other person comfortable.

It didn’t really hit me just how much I had done for my roommate until I was talking with someone at work about it last night. She was talking to me about her own roommate problems and afterwards I shared mine.

She told me about how her roommate was doing some things that were a little… questioning while she was asleep. One time she woke up and turned around to see her doing something with her lamp on and her laptop pointed to her. It was a little unsettling for her. This was especially a culture shock because she is not from America first of all (she’s from Senegal), and secondly, she felt disrespected at the fact that she was not respecting the space that they share. I was pretty shocked at that because I really didn’t think people did that kind of thing.

Then I shared my side.

I told her how my roommate would want me to completely turn off the lights right when she wanted to go to sleep (even my lamp). I could be in the middle of studying, and she seemed to have a problem with the lamp being on, even when it was turned away from her. What confused me was that her laptop light and her Christmas lights could be on but she could go to sleep easily.

After we had talked (well, we had to get the RA involved, and it was a huge ordeal), it was silence after that. And that was like 2-3 weeks ago. She now doesn’t stay in the room at all. She stays in the unit lounge. She has her laptop, her blanket, and some of her things and she just stays on the couch every time that I’m in the room. After realizing that she was trying to avoid us interacting with each other, I knew that it wasn’t the lights that were the problem. The fact that she now stays completely outside of the room most of the time tells me that it wasn’t me. It was the fact that I was in the room. And the problems did not really begin until she realized that I came back a little earlier that she had planned.

Part of what we agreed on with our RA is that I would study at my desk because she said that I would fall asleep when working on my bed. So now I am not allowed to work on my bed… :/

Another thing is that I do something like yoga in the mornings before she wakes up (if she even wakes up for the day…), and I tend to be super quiet with it. But she is such a light sleeper that any movement wakes her up. I could just be shifting in bed and she starts shifting in bed. I could get out of bed and she starts shifting. I could just walk to my desk, and she shifts. I choose a piece of clothing from my closet, she starts shifting. I’m typing on my laptop. Shift. Putting on makeup. Shift. Put on shoes. Shift. And along with the shifts are sighs from her, as if I’m annoying her.

There came a point where I realized that I cannot just stop moving. I am a human being, and no,  I do not operate on the same schedule as you.

I am done trying to accommodate, and if she can’t handle sharing a room anymore, then please leave. I am in the room, so deal with it.

So the comonitor who I was working with really felt sorry for me. She said that it sounded like my roommate just didn’t want me there. And yes, that is it. That’s what it comes down to.

Unfortunately, she will just have to move into a single if she doesn’t want me here.