Ridiculously Late.

Today, I wake up to sunlight shining in my room. I had a dream about… something. I’ve forgotten. But I wake up form that dream, and it was as if I knew something had happened.

I immediately look at my alarm clock and it reads… 11:15am.

WOAH what???

I jump out of my bed and am yelling to the skies while I try and put on clothes while doing my hair. I was in such a panic. I have never… EVER woken up so late for classes before. Not even when I was in high school. Not even middle school. Heck, not even elementary school!

I’ve always heard of people oversleeping their classes, but that was never me. I always woke up either a few minutes later than when I was suppose to or maybe I would wake up at the time that the class started.

But today, I have classes from 9:05am-12:05pm, and I woke up at freaking 11:15am!

I had missed my physics class (which is the most important one for the day) and my sociology class (and that was my third class in a row that I am missing). I also missed half of Latin, the class that I had stayed up all night studying and preparing for. So of course I was not going to miss that one.

I threw on clothes, tried to look decent, and I ran out of the door. I had texted my friend that I had just woke up, and she said, “Lol.” No, no “lol.” This wasn’t funny for me. I had missed most of my classes. My mom is not paying for me to go to this school just to miss my classes.

I started thinking to myself how I could have woken up so late.

I mean yea I had stayed up super late last night (and I should not have. I should have went to bed by 2am, but I guess peer pressure). I didn’t really go to sleep until about 5am. But I’ve done that before in the past, and I still managed to wake up for classes.

And then I thought… This is the first time that I didn’t have a roommate.

So long story short, my roommate moved out over February break. We had gotten into a huge fight, and she decided to leave. Thank God! I was actually looking for housing when she came in, argued, then left. It was just great!

So now I have this whole room to myself, which is super nice. I turned her bed into something like a long lounge chair where I can sit and work, and it has served me very well. I covered it with my gray blanked and put my red armchair there as well. It’s perfect.

One this about the room is that… it gets kind of lonely.

I have had about 5 roommates up to now (counting the summers), and I am so used to having someone in the room that it feels weird when I don’t. And many of my friends are doing their own thing now, with their own friend groups. So I literally am just in my room studying or wasting time. It gets lonely, but sometimes I really do need the time to myself.

But one thing I hadn’t realized is that in the past, I would wake up to my roommates waking up. As a result, I would never sleep in so late. Even when I was late, I wasn’t extremely late.

Today, I realized that I did not have anyone to come and check on if I was awake or not. Friends in physics didn’t even text asking me where I was. And I didn’t have anyone in sociology checking on me, even if I shared that class with people.

I don’t know, I just thought that someone would have texted me asking me if I would be in class or not. It was as if nothing changed if I was there or not.

I’ve been struggling with this, feeling like I am not really a part of anyone’s life or significant. I know I shouldn’t define myself based on others, but it can be hard because that’s how the world works.

Because what if I were to just leave? Would anyone notice? Would anyone check where I went? What if I got kidnapped? Would life just go on?

I may be thinking too much into it, but I’ve just been kind of lonely recently.

And it seems like all the friends I did make are kind of keeping their distance now, and it makes me sad. I’m sure it was because of the past relationship I was in. It didn’t end well and, well, it somewhat divided the friend group. And many of them went to the other side.

But anyways, I should not have been that late today. I really have no excuse for it.

I ran to Latin, and thank God it was a calm day. I was kind of upset that he didn’t even go over the passages that I had stayed up translating last night, but whatever. Atleast I had made it to ONE of my classes today.

Now I have 2 prelims tomorrow (Biochem and Physics) and I really need to study.


Finding Out More About Myself

It’s currently 1:25pm and I just finished my last class of the day: my biology discussion. It was actually a really nice discussion. This may have been the first time I have actually enjoyed a biology discussion. During the class, I couldn’t help but remember how miserable I was in my other bio discussion class during my freshman year. I had no idea what was going on in the class. Everything being said in discussion seemed like a foreign language to me.

For some reason, I really did not like the people in the class. I regarded all of them as pretentious and snobby. Because most of the people in the class were pre-med, I thought that they only cared about themselves and just wanted to display their knowledge to everyone. I was not interested in making friends, because I felt like if I did, it would be a superficial relationship based on trying to outsmart the other and constantly be in each other’s business, whether it be academics or relationships. I also felt like students would sabotage each other just to get the higher grades. I also did not want to appear dumb to my classmates, because I refused to give them a feeling of satisfaction that one less person will be competing for that spot in medical school.

After that semester, I was almost 100% sure that I would be changing my major from biology to something else, and I was really looking into Bioengineering (concentration: Biomedical). Even over winter break, I made a long chart about the classes, the prerequisites for each class, the requirements, and everything else I could possibly need. I even drew out my schedule for the next 7 semesters. I was ready to change based on a fear of failure and my deep-rooted stubbornness that I could do things on my own.

After the first semester in college and barely making it through my first biology class, I have a better idea of who I am as a person and what I want to do and study. I am taking my second intro bio class, and this class is going so much more smoothly than the first. I have a better idea of how college works, and I have learned more about how to study. All throughout high school, I did not have a problem with maintaining good grades. They seemed to effortlessly fall into my hands. I would do the homework, turn it in, get a grade back, and repeat. I never studied more than I needed to, and I rarely opened the textbooks given to us in class. All I did was show up to my classes and listen to the teacher. It was pretty easy.

The first thing I learned when coming to college: life does not work that way. Not. At. All.

This was why I always tell people that my first semester in college was the worst for me. I was not used to living on my own, especially in a part of the country that I have only been to about twice in my life. I did not know where to start with my journey through college. In addition to that, I did not how to handle my work load. I was taking classes that were all interesting to me, but I just did not have a firm grasp as to how to study them. I thought that I could just go to lecture and automatically get it. It worked for me in high school, so why wouldn’t it work for me in college?

Boy, I had never been so wrong in my life. I learned that I needed to read for my classes and go over notes that I had in them. I had to work practice problems on my own, because homework was not a common thing in college. It was also my responsibility to constantly go to the class website and look out for updates. These were things that I never had to do before, so it definitely took me a while to understand all of this. At the end of the semester, the only class that I did well in was my chemistry class. I was completely devastated about it. I had never gotten such low grades in my life. What was I going to tell my parents? They went through so much just to get me into college. How could I let them down now?

So, it has taken me about three semesters (and a half, including summers) to finally get used to all the extra work I needed to do outside of class. I used to think it was just the subjects I was studying, but I quickly learned that it was me who had to change.

I’m now a second semester sophomore, and I think I am finally getting a good handle on things. I have learned to ask more questions, and become a more active student in the class by asking and answering questions. I have also been attending Office Hours, which are extremely helpful! Man, I wish I had started earlier. The professor goes over things that he will talk about in lecture. Then, when lecture comes, you know exactly what he is talking about. It is actually amazing!

I have also made a little schedule for myself during the night. This semester, I have decided that I like to study in my room, because it helps me to keep a nice schedule (plus, it’s freezing outside, and ain’t nobody got time for that). I used to study at the library, but I usually fell asleep, got distracted, felt cold (or sometimes really hot), forgot something at home, or felt even more stressed about the amount of work I had to do. On top of that, I came home really late, like around 2-3am, and I live about 10 minutes away. So the walk was really brutal in the freezing cold. Sometimes it would be snowing or really windy, and my thighs would freeze.

So this semester I am staying in my room, and I realize just how much I prefer that over the library. Everything I could possibly need is in my room, so I do not have to travel far for anything. Many people say that studying in your room can be very distracting, but it depends on the way you study.

  1. What I like to do is hide my phone away from my line of vision. It helps fight off the urge to go on Snapchat, Facebook, or Instagram (3 of my favorite social media sites).
  2. I like to get comfortable, but not too comfortable or else I will fall asleep. If I am uncomfortable, it will be much harder for me to concentrate on the task ahead. I like to keep the room slightly warm, wear sweatpants, socks, and a hoodie/sweater
  3. I like to keep my brightness up on my laptop. This keeps me awake for longer. I actually learned about this recently, and I have been trying it out. It works pretty well!
  4. I NEVER study on my bed. That’s a trap and a recipe for an F. My bed is wayy too comfortable, and the only times that I am in it is when I am going to bed, or if it’s a Friday night and I am hanging out in my room. Usually, I end up falling asleep.
  5. I also like to keep a bottle of water near me, and I drink it once in a while. It keeps me awake and hydrated.
  6. I like to have an organized desk and work area. Usually before I start studying, I tidy up the area around me, because I am very nit-picky when it comes to staying organized. I feel like your room mirrors your thoughts and feelings. If you want to keep a clear head, tidy up a little and it should help.
  7. I like to study in peace. My roommate likes the room quiet and so do I, so our room is usually really quiet. She is usually watching something on her laptop, studying, or sleeping, and I am usually studying. Having a quiet study space allows you to think clearly and organize your thoughts.

After studying, I take a quick shower. This is when I can relax for a little while reflect on the day, and pamper myself for a little bit. Last semester, I would shower in the mornings, but I always ended up late for classes. I also did not have a routine. That was one thing I wanted to change this semester: have a routine and stick with it.

Over winter break, I watched a copious amount of YouTube videos titled “Daily College Routines”, “College Morning and Routines”, “Fitness Routines”, “College Inspirations”, “College DIYs”, “College Organization”, etc. I could endlessly watch those videos. They helped me shape the schedule that I have made for myself and the way that I study. I learned to become a better student.

So while I was sitting in my bio discussion class today, I noticed how much progress I have made from the first semester of college to now. I have learned to love Biology and everything that I am learning. I love my discussion class. It is so interesting, and the TA is super knowledgeable. My friend is in the class, and we help each other out when needed. I value the information much more than I used to. I also see students in a different light; I look at each of my classmates and wonder where they came from and how they got to the point they are at now. It is so refreshing to meet new people and also collaborate with people who are literal geniuses. I like my class, and I am not too shy to speak up in class anymore. In fact, I have spoken up at least once in each of my discussion classes, and I feel more confident about my answers. I don’t feel bad anymore when I get an answer wrong because I learn much more from getting an answer wrong than not trying at all.